Couples Therapy for Trauma Survivors
Rebuild trust. Break free from old cycles. Feel safe and connected again.
When Past Hurts Keep You Apart
You love each other — that’s not the question. But somewhere along the way, your relationship started feeling like a minefield. One wrong word triggers a shutdown. A simple request gets heard as criticism. You find yourselves having the same fight over and over, wondering how two people who care so much can hurt each other so deeply.
When complex trauma lives in your relationship — whether from childhood wounds, developmental trauma, betrayal, or life’s unexpected blows — even your safest person can start to feel dangerous. Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between past and present threat, so it reacts to protect you, often pushing away the very connection you’re craving.
But here’s what I know: The love that brought you together is still there. It’s just trapped underneath survival patterns that made sense once but no longer serve you. That’s why couples therapy for trauma survivors requires a different approach than traditional methods
Why Smart, Loving Couples Get Stuck in Painful Cycles
The Negative Cycle
Maybe you recognize this scene: One of you reaches out for reassurance after a long day, but it lands as “too needy.” The other person feels overwhelmed and pulls back to breathe, which feels like rejection. Now you’re both activated — heart racing, thoughts spiraling, words getting sharper.
Within minutes, you’re no longer talking about dinner plans or weekend logistics. You’re fighting about whether you matter to each other.
This is what I call the trauma-cycle. It’s not really about the dishes or the schedule or who said what. It’s your nervous systems trying to protect you from old wounds, but creating new ones in the process.
Maybe you know exactly what triggered this cycle — childhood trauma that taught you love isn’t safe, a betrayal that shattered your trust, or developmental wounds you swore you’d never repeat. Or maybe it feels like it came out of nowhere, leaving you both confused and exhausted.
This means you’ll not only understand why you get triggered, but practice new responses in real time — so you can interrupt the negative-cycle before it takes over and repair quickly when things go sideways.
The Cost of Sweeping Things Under the Rug
Here’s the hard truth: The longer these trauma induced negative -cycles continue, the more they become your “normal.” What started as protective behavior gradually becomes the very thing keeping love at a distance.
Those moments of tenderness get rarer. You start assuming the worst about each other’s intentions. The relationship that once felt like your safe haven begins to feel like another source of stress.
And if you have children, they’re watching. They’re learning what love looks like from the front row of your relationship. The patterns you don’t heal have a way of showing up in the next generation.
You both deserve better. And with the right support, you can have it.
But Here’s What I Know Is Possible
- The relationship you’re fighting for is still there — underneath the patterns, past the hurt, beyond the cycles that have taken over.
- You can learn to reach for each other when you’re scared instead of pulling away.
- You can have conversations about difficult things without them becoming relationship-threatening fights.
- You can feel genuinely safe with each other again.
My Whole-System Healing Approach-
When You Heal at Every Level
I don’t just focus on one aspect. We work on every part — mind, emotions, and body — adapting based on what you need in the moment.
This means you’ll not only understand why you get triggered, but practice new responses in real time — so you can catch the trauma-cycle before it takes over and repair quickly when things go sideways.
Instead of ping-ponging between conflict and distance, you’ll learn to reach for each other when you’re scared, speak up when you’re hurt, and create safety together even in difficult moments.
The difference? Other approaches work on relationships from the “outside in” (behaviors and skills) or “inside out” (emotions and attachment). My Whole-System Healing approach works with your mind, emotions, and body together — because that’s how complex trauma healing in relationships actually happens.
My Approach
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) — We identify your unique trauma-cycle, understand the attachment fears driving it, and create new experiences of safety and emotional responsiveness
Trauma-Informed Somatic & Polyvagal tools — You’ll learn to recognize when your nervous systems are activated and develop tools to stay present and regulated instead of reactive
Cognitive Behavioral Couples Techniques (CBCT) — We build practical communication and conflict resolution skills that actually stick because your body and emotions are calm enough to use them
Complex Trauma Integration — We address the deeper developmental wounds around safety, trust, and worthiness that fuel disconnection
Areas of Specialty
Complex Trauma in Relationships:
- Breaking trauma cycles and healing attachment wounds
- Managing emotional flashbacks between partners
- Recovery from childhood patterns affecting adult relationships
Relationship Restoration:
- Rebuilding trust after betrayal or infidelity
- Creating emotional safety after narcissistic abuse
- Improving communication when dysregulation interferes
Nervous System Challenges:
- Hypervigilance and constant alertness in relationships
- Fight, flight, freeze responses during conflict
- People-pleasing and codependency patterns
“Working with Eva has been amazing. She is down-to-earth, authentic and feels like she knows us so well. One of the biggest impacts to stopping our negative cycle was being able to see how we were individually responsible for our part in contributing to the toxic pattern. We can now identify when we’re playing out the same behavior in the moment.” — D & B ~ Former clients
As you step out of the negative-cycle and learn to stay regulated together,
you’ll start noticing real changes:
Real Changes in Real Life
Having difficult conversations without them becoming relationship-threatening fights
Recovering quickly from misunderstandings instead of staying stuck in resentment for days
Improving physical and emotional intimacy without fear of rejection or emotional flooding
Facing life’s stresses as a team instead of turning that stress on each other
Breaking generational trauma patterns so you don’t pass them on to your children
Frequently Asked Questions
Will this just be about rehashing our childhoods?
No. While we’ll understand how past experiences affect your present relationship, most of our time focuses on creating new, healing experiences together — right here, right now.
What if my partner is resistant to the trauma focus
Many clients initially feel nervous about addressing unresolved trauma in couples therapy. I create a space where trauma responses are normalized, put in context, and where both partners feel supported, not pathologized or blamed.
We've tried EFT before and got stuck. How is this different?
Traditional EFT works beautifully —when your nervous systems can stay regulated enough to access deeper emotions. My approach adds the somatic and cognitive tools that help you stay present when trauma gets activated.
How long does this process take?
Every couple is different, but most notice shifts within the first few sessions. Deeper trauma healing typically takes 4-8 months of consistent work, though some couples continue longer to strengthen their gains and break generational patterns.
Will we get practices to do at home?
Yes. Practices at home are design and given to expand our work in between sessions.
Ready to Stop Fighting the Same Fight?
The relationship you’re fighting for is still there — underneath the defensiveness, past the hurt, beyond the trauma-cycles that have taken over. You’ve already shown incredible courage by staying committed to each other through this pain and seeking help.
Free 20 Min Chat
Schedule a free consultation call via my online calendar or give me a call at 516.900.3072 Let’s make it happen!
Book Appointment
In our first few sessions, we’ll map your unique trauma-cycle and start practicing tools to interrupt it when it happens — in real time, in session.
1st Session!
During our initial session, we’ll work together to figure out how complex trauma is still affecting your life and relationships. I’ll meet you where you are and provide a safe space for us to work together toward your healing journey.